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Saturday, June 25, 2016

HOPE After Miscarriage

I never knew what a "rainbow baby" was, I never had a reason to. It wasn't until I miscarried last year, thenI understood it's meaning....

It was this time last year...& I started to just not feel "right"....girls, you know the "signs". The funny thing was, we were hoping for SO long. We were trying for over a year and of course I took a TON of pregnancy tests during that time....(slightly obsessed lol) ....BUT I took a test and SURPRISINGLY found out we were pregnant!! Total shock & disbelief bc every other test for MONTHS was negative - so we were SO HAPPY!!! You know when you get the positive result - you feel a RUSH of emotions!! I was told to not get preggo again because of my ulcerative colitis so this was amazing news!! My health was back on track thanks to fitness and clean eating and I felt GREAT!! This was SUCH a blessing!

Fast forward to about 6 weeks later and I was starting to feel TOO good & also noticed some bleeding. Off to the doctor I went and when they told me the news, I really was in DENIAL! They HAD to be wrong! What do you mean there was no heartbeat??? Doctors are wrong ALL the time!! BUT - the reality was, there really was no heartbeat, leaving me in total shock! 💔

Did I do something wrong?? Of course I immediately started to blame myself!  I totally felt guilty, SAD, heartbroken and DEVASTATED!! I was about 9 weeks along but knew for about a month and a half...and during that time  - you just get attached! The baby ended up having Turners Syndrome, which means it only had one X I know it was nothing I did, but it's still a loss that I'll never forget and a loss that will forever feel like a baby of mine, of OURS. Through the tears & the sadness, I KNEW that God was in control & that I just had to TRUST.....🌈 - HE knew what he was doing and HE Is ultimately in control.

But what REALLY makes me BELIEVE even more in God, & that everything happens as it SHOULD is that my D&C was on June 24 & so is my due date this year! God gives just as He takes! I write this so in hopes that this can give someone hope....this is why I'm sharing my experience. ❤️ We were completely shocked AGAIN when we found out in late September/October that we were preggo again. We had JUST closed on a "fixer-upper" home and are still living in an apartment until the house is ready....BUT things are happening as they should. We are about to welcome a new baby ANY DAY now and we couldn't be MORE excited!!

Rainbows do come after the storm!!